This isn’t what I wanted to write about at all. I think last night I’d decided on anger. (You really should’ve gone with that.) Then I wanted to talk about depression. (That book was totally out of your comfort zone.) After that, I saw a friend was struggling with anxiety and was tempted to discuss that. (Let’s go on Twitter again!) In the morning, I woke up to another friend being mad at me because I did the right thing and I thought that could span an entire post. (It couldn’t have.) I picked up the newspaper and read so much about Holi that I texted a third friend about how it is overrated. She suggested I should talk about it in my blog post for today. (You should mention her name – she’d like that.) It so happened that when I opened up my laptop and saw the new layout in WordPress, I started typing about something else entirely. (Why does everything have to change? You should write about that.)
This indecisiveness is not a new phenomenon. I’m sure everyone has experienced it at some point in their lives – from kids trying to decide which toy they can’t live without to a university student picking a major. (Don’t give any more examples or you’ll bore everyone.) The mind is an impulsive, reckless creature that whispers constantly in your head. (Wait, what?!) Sometimes it sounds just like you, sometimes like the people you love and sometimes like the fairy godmother you wish you had. (Ooh, fairy tales! Can we take a break to check the movie timings of The Beauty and the Beast?) It doesn’t matter what new avatar it takes because it’s always there. Have you ever tried not having a thought? (What good can possibly come of that?) I remember my principal in school asking us to do that as we sat with our eyes closed for a minute one fine morning. Of course, we all failed spectacularly with an F-. (Are you sure that’s a real grade? You should Google it.)
Complete and utter silence is a myth for most people. Apparently, meditation is capable of shutting out that voice. (Like you’d know.) I believe it’s only a temporary lull before the mind returns with a vengeance. It is incessantly observing, judging, classifying, qualifying and colouring every sensory input with its bias. (Hey!) I’m not convinced it is always a good thing. If my mind could be gagged for any length of time, I’m sure I’d be twice as productive as I normally am. (Why don’t you throw in some more unverifiable facts while you’re at it?) While I await the sweet comfort of sleep that is the only effective cure for a bad case of mind chatter, I still have to deal with it in my waking moments. Sometimes I get so engrossed in what I’m doing that I experience those rare moments of mental silence.
But it’s not a bad thing to have that voice in your head, per se. (You couldn’t have got to this part sooner?) Who would we be without it? Just a body with no personality or individuality or curiosity or any of the endearing qualities that make us the fallible humans we are. It is as vital a part of our mental make-up as the heart is to our physical one. Can you imagine the terror if your heart suddenly ceased its steady rhythm? Mental silence has the same unnerving effect. Whether it’s humming a melody you absolutely hate on repeat or nagging at you as you attempt to craft a halfway decent blog post, it’s the one faithful companion that defines you.
Writing an uncensored stream of consciousness piece is perhaps the most bold I’ll ever get on my blog. Let me know what you thought about this bizarre and hopefully unique post in the comments section below.